What I will not be getting for Mother's Day
1. After pondering a bit about what to do for Mother's Day, I stumbled across the big plans over at Michael's to lure welcome us into the store while they entertain our wee cherubs with a craft meant for this special holiday in the life of every child. I let my children vote on which event they most wanted to attend and the vote was unanimous: the Saturday beading event. Which leads me to the first thing I won't be getting for Mother's Day:

See, Mouse realized this beading event wasn't simply stringing "I Love You" on a band with alphabet beads. No. This was "real" jewelry that someone might actually want to wear for some other reason than "my kid made it."
I can always make you a card, mom.
She said as she claimed her project. Young impressionable Bug followed suit. And the alphabet beads look better on Bear and L.E. Fant anyway.

So no jewelry.

2. My kids are all for taking me out to eat.
But moms are free at Valentino's on Mother's Day. We can afford to take you out.
Yeah, and who's going to pay for their hungry little mouths? And who's going to be pulling her hair out after trying to corral five children in a line the length of the Missouri while listening to "Barry, party of nineteen. Smith, party of twelve?" And knowing that these tables are not going to be turning very quickly?

So no dining out.

3. And actually, you can go ahead and scratch off breakfast in bed. (Please no one try that again.)

4. As well as taking over the preparation of any meals. Voluntarily, at least.

5. I read somewhere that Americans are expected to spend over a billion dollars in personal services such as spa treatments. A spa treatment is something I could maybe go for. Except I'd probably go crazy trying to sit still and do nothing that long. Not sure I like the idea of someone scrubbing off the top layer of skin and replacing it with mud. It's cute on this guy.

But not so much on me. And a pedicure? Eek. There's a reason I don't wear flip flops or sandals.

So no spa treatment.

6. Then there is this wild notion flying around out there that mothers get to sleep in this one day every year. Ha! This little guy...

...innocent as he may seem, will in all likelihood be sure that not only do I not get to sleep in, but that I don't really get much sleep between bedtime and his first breakfast. He's just like a hobbit, he is, with is first and second breakfasts, followed by tensies and elevensies...

So no sleeping in.

7. Shannon of Rocks in My Dryer has a quick little list of things to avoid getting your mom for her big day. I'm not really in danger of ending up with any of it, but I take issue with the "if it requires plugging in, don’t buy it" rule. I love things that plug in. Especially this.

It plugs in. And it has way cool attachments. You know, for all that sausage I've never gotten around to making. Who can go without a mixer you can make sausage with? I'll take it for Mother's Day, my birthday, Christmas and even Valentine's Day since red seems to be the in color. One gift to cover all of this year's holidays. What a deal.

And it is unlikely I'll be getting a mixer, or anything else requiring an outlet.

8. I did recently buy a book: The Frogs and Toads of North America. It even came with a CD of frog songs. You know that was all about me and had absolutely nothing to do with homeschooling. I could take the "Did you really need it?" without any further comment as a Mother's Day gift, but then again, I ordered it. Not that wives don't occasionally order themselves presents on their spouses' behalf.

So, yeah. No books, either.

9. Someone on craigslist says goats make a great Mother's Day present. Now I could definitely picture a couple of these running around our new property.

But while hubby seems mildly receptive to my banter about chickens, geese and fruit trees, he is of yet rather uninspired by the thought of goats. Except when he is looking at the amount of weeds and brush that needs to be cleared. The moment soon passes, but I hardly count that as a hint at goats any time soon.

So no goats.

10. Slugs. I can say with a certain degree of, well, certainty, that I shan't be getting any slugs. Or rousing games of Pin the Tail on the Slug. Or slug cards. Or slug posters. I may get some dandelions, but I won't be getting any slugs. The crown is cool, though. Maybe I should institute that as a new tradition to remind me that breaking up squabbles, flushing toilets after other people, and closing the same drawers seventeen times a day does have a much higher purpose.

One that isn't so focused on me.

God Bless and Happy Mother's Day!

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