Web 1.1 and driving away your readers
I suppose it only makes sense to share insights into how to drive away readers just after posting on how to increase unhappiness in your homeschool. Normally, I try to space out my attempts at humor because I am terribly used to being taken too seriously. But Yvonne from Grow Your Writing Business tagged me with this, and I shan't keep her waiting any longer.

Web 2.0 is an interesting concept , born out of some old meeting with a bunch of people who wanted to increase the accessibility of the internet. At least that is what I have gathered. Principled Discovery, on the other hand, has always been about looking back to the foundations of ideas. Older is always better, so here I am to take you back to Web 1.1 with a variety of ways to make your online existence a little more stressful and a little less productive.

1. Subscribe to the feeds of at least five different blogs giving blogging advice.

Implement ALL of their tips. Full or partial feed? Blog entries or articles? Stats public or private? These three issues alone should be enough to keep you too busy messing with details to actually have time to write anything at all.

2. Make as many hurdles for potential commenters as possible.

The best ones are the ones that make you create a complete profile and then wait for email confirmation before you can comment. Couple this with indecipherable captcha codes and you will never be bothered by other people's comments again. (There are captcha codes and there are captcha codes...most I navigate fine, but there are a few that I just enter something hoping for something more legible the next time around. Test to find the least decipherable ones out there.)

3. Use an 8 point font.

Or smaller.

4. Make your blog as visually unwelcoming as possible.

Low contrast colors and bright neon both work well at straining the eyes of any potential readers. Remember to never ever hit the enter key. Ideally, your entries should go on for twelve hundred words or more with no images, emphasis or line breaks that might draw your reader through to the end.

5. Disable right click.

Force readers to leave your blog when they follow a link. Especially if you are hosting a carnival.

6. Never show yourself.

Do not respond to commenters. Do not show your sense of humor. Do not develop your own personal style. This can be very difficult to master, but try to make your blog a clone of another, more popular site. After all, it worked for them.

7. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, proofread.

In a well-written entry, anyone may forgive an error or two. The goal is to make spelling, punctuation and grammar actually get in the way of understanding the main idea. That takes extra talent, but is well worth the effort since it is guaranteed to limit the number of people who tackle the entry.

8. Consider your readers first.

Nevermind what is important to you or what you want to write about. Try to ascertain what your readers want to read and write about that. Take frequent polls and switch gears as often as necessary. This helps keep your blog from ever really becoming your own and ensures that you never accidentally develop a voice on the internet.

9. Spam.

Spam is a unique pet peeve of most bloggers. Even if you are not selling viagra, you can come across very spammy. Here are the key principles:
The comment should be irrelevant to the entry. "Nice entry, will bookmark." Is a good standby.

The blog should be one you have never commented on before (unless you have spammed it before).

This works even better if it is outside your niche.

Leave a few links with a specific request to visit your site.
Blogging is about conversation, so the key is really to make sure that your comment and linked entry in no way actually contribute to the conversation either with the entry or with the blogger. It should be solely about traffic for you.

10. Is she talking about me?

Ask this every time you read an entry where people air their pet peeves. Take it very personally. Compose a long entry about why it is you do the very thing that this person is complaining about. Do not consider the pecularities and purpose of your blog in the decisions you make regarding it, only what other people say. Get defensive. Never for a moment consider that the advice might not be relevant to you, especially if you have a personal blog.

I am curious about what the following people have to say about effective ways to drive away readers and hope they will find time to respond:

Blogging Basics 101, MamaBlogga, Blogging 101, Blogging for Parents

Feel free to add to the discussion as well. And seriously, don't take it seriously. I actually do read some blogs which "violate" one or more of the above but it suits the purpose of their blog.