Brush with the law

OK, so I'm reading Crazy Texas Mommy's willful defiance of the law and thinking I cannot imagine myself ever ever ever trying to talk my way out of a ticket. I talked myself out of all kinds of things in school, but in front of a police officer I'm all "Yes, sir. No, sir." I don't have a lot of experience with this sort of thing, being generally observant of speed limits, but you know how it is. And I fumble for words when I'm asked any variation of "Do you know how fast you were going?" Or "What's the hurry, miss?"

Like what am I supposed to say? I teach my kids to fess up when they're caught and get on with it. They haven't learned it very well, yet, but questions like that just seem to be inviting some absurd story.

And when they hand me the ticket, I say "Thank you, sir." That's all to say that you probably will never see any of my interactions with police on YouTube. But there was this one time...

See, I was driving the group home van full of the young men in our group home. I was driving along this very deceptive road. Very deceptive because it is rarely traveled, is very wide and it feels like the speed limit should be 45, not 35. I think they set the speed limit at 35 just to have a good place for a speed trap.

So anyway, I'm driving with this van full of kids who totally don't get how to interact with police. They tended to either duck and try not to be seen or flip them off, neither of which are good policies for getting a warning rather than a ticket. In fact, they all had neon signs flashing above their heads that said, "I'm guilty!" Even when they were just sitting in the van on the way back from a trip to the grocery store.

That may not seem important, but it is. Because, you see, I was driving with these kids down that road at 45 mph when a police car pulls out. I dutifully slow down as quickly as I can, but the officer pulls up right on my tail. It follows me around the curve and turns right with me right into the drive way.

I'm caught. And I decide it is an opportunity to teach the boys about how to talk to the police. Sounds good, right?

I get out of the car and immediately confess to going a whole ten miles an hour over the speed limit. The officer listens patiently while I tell him that I know the speed limit, and that I'm sorry. No excuses, no pleading and no cursing the poor guy as my charges were wont to do.

He hands me an envelope. I stare at it and it slowly dawns on me that the officer was there serving papers about one of the boys.

"So you weren't pulling me over?" I ask, feeling like a complete idiot.

"No, but while I'm here, are there any other crimes you'd like to confess to?"

The boys about fell out of the car laughing.

And that's how I act when the law catches up with me.